I don’t think there’s many people out there for whom the election result wasn’t a shock. From those of us who desperately wanted to see the back of the Tories, the Lib Dems and their vicious austerity programme, through to the truest, bluest Conservative, I don’t think more than a handful thought we would wake up to David Cameron leading the first Conservative Party majority government in over twenty years on May 8th. It appears that even the Prime Pillock himself wasn’t prepared for the results. His much vaunted policy of repealing the European Human Acts was conspicuously absent when parliament was informed of the incoming government’s five-year slash and burn agenda by a woman wearing a hat worth eleven million quid on Wednesday. Of the policies that were announced in the Queen’s Speech, highlights included legislation to ban everything and anti-terrorism law that more or less condemns anyone who doesn’t have a triple barrelled name and 300 acres of land as an extremist. Aswell as the deep, dark rage this sparks in me there is also a certain delicious irony at being written off as ‘a loony lefty’ by anyone who supports the reams of used political and legal bog-roll that this lot are attempting to mummify us with.
Despite the initial wailing, gnashing of teeth and smashing of foreheads against walls – perhaps things aren’t as bad as they appeared on that Friday morning three weeks ago. After all, the shower of aristocratic inbreds that woke up in power that day only have a 15 seat majority, which Cameron and his close cabal seem intent on pissing all over as if it was a dinner table at a Bullingdon Club knees-up. Having spent the entire election campaign distancing themselves from their cousins on the right, UKIP, they now seem intent on pushing through almost identical policies, puffing their xenophobic chests up, keen to demonstrate that their fruitcakes are more racist than Nigel’s. In getting re-elected, Cameron has thrown himself back into the groin-straining splits he appeared to have been levering himself out of prior to the election. He might have shed the burden of the Lib Dems but his own party is still riven with festering wounds.
Granted, the oppos… sorry, I mean the ‘Labour’ Party, aren’t faring well either. Leadership candidates are falling over each other in what comes across as a Blair themed game of political Twister, fuelled by line after line of the purest powdered political anxiety. Press conference after press conference with business leaders, pale sweaty faces, incoherent jabber about loving entrepreneurs and the white working class, lots of mention of ‘hard graft’ and ‘aspiration’. It’s like we’re at a bad 90s themed disco, and somebody’s just stuck on Now That’s What I Call Music 97′. We might have thought it sounded good back then, but it’s making my fucking ears bleed now.
However, maybe this Blairite retrofest isn’t a bad thing in the long run. Perhaps it’s the icy bucket of water that needed tipping over the heads of the decent socialists who remain in the party. Maybe once the night terrors and facial twitches they’ve been suffering for the best-part of the last month have subsided, and they’ve realised that whatever they might have thought, they are, at best, going to end up with another ‘third-way’ privatising, neo-liberal clown as leader, we can all agree that this ship is best left to sink – with Mandy, Blair and anyone else associated with Progress loyally going down at the helm.
There’s no doubt that in some ways this election was a kick in the collective crotch with a pair of London Met issue size-12s, but lets not despair, let’s get angry and then get even. We’ve already seen discontent start to bubble up in towns and cities around the country, and in Liverpool on June 6th a new space is being cleared to voice your blue blood curdling screams of opposition.
Come to DROP the Dumbulls on Dublin Street and celebrate the opening of the Bullshit! Gallery from 4pm-11pm. There’ll be a reggae BBQ from 4pm-6pm and artists will be exhibiting their responses to the election in visual, musical and spoken forms. Displayed work will be auctioned to raise money for services hit hardest by the cuts in Liverpool. Be there or be a snivelling Tory stooge!